I can´t remember a time when I didnt´want to serve a mission. Getting my mission call was just about the most exciting thing ever. When I learned that I was going to Chile I was surprised at the love I instantly felt for a bunch of people that I didnt know. Its strange how the love came before the faces, names and stories.
The moment I got set apart...that President Murphy said I was a real missionary..I felt a peace and happiness envelope me like I have never felt before.That peace carried me through the goodbyes and getting on the plane alone and has carried me through every moment here in Chile. Its been like I can almost see the army of angels surrounding me.
All of Mexico and the CCM was like a dream. I was always so fascinated by all the colors and constant fireworks. Walking around the cobble stoned streets with Hermana Page and our new badges...I felt like I was walking in heaven! Well at least the first couple of days. After that reality set in and I really just wanted a nap all day long. But the CCM felt like walking inside the Temple all day. The speed at which we learned everything was incredible. Watching all the teenage boys turn into elders was incredible too. In the CCM it was like having my mind expand by 100 every day. I loved everything about Mexico and the CCM. I think what i loved most though was the food. Oh my!
In the words of Elder Haws ¨"I eat it and I just cry. I sob because why does food taste so good?" Everything was like a dream. And I felt so ready to come to Chile and just continue my mission with the same level of fun that I had in the CCM. I was fully prepared to come with my almost perfect spanish and just baptize everyone.
Well I had quite the shock when I landed in the Santiago airport and didnt understand a word anyone said for about 4 months. Coming to Chile was like slipping into a black hole that took a long time to climb out of. Not being able to communicate with anyone for months is really lonely.
And Chile was strange. Strangers kissed me face...that was weird. Members gave the hugest portions of food and got mad when I didnt eat it al and ask for seconds and thirds. Toilets didnt flush. Packs of dogs followed us around in the streets and shared all their fleas. People didnt stand in line to be baptized or let us inside even when it was pouring rain. People called me fat and thought it was nice. Fleas and lice and bugs just lived on us. We had to start a fire to heat up water. We had to bring matches inside the bathroom to have light and see. Drunk men chased us in the streets and threw shoes and food at us. People didnt think my lack of spanish skills was adorable. I wasnt the Chile or mission I expected.
And I was completely miserable. And I dreamed of home. And clean beds and food with mayonnaise and being able to actually understand people. And I learned to be humble. To be patient. To pray. Because even though no one else understood my english...God did.
We started teaching sweet Maria and even though I couldnt understand what she said I understood what she felt. And I learned to trust in the spirit a little bit more. And I realized I didnt need to be able to talk to have others feel my love....or for me to feel their love. And I realized that it didnt really matter that I had a vocabulary of about 20 words...that wasnt important. The important thing was the love I felt for others.
Hermana Phelps taught me how to easily love others. It was always so easy for her to love everyone. She taught me that I shouldnt be so stiff and proper..but that I needed to throw my hands up a bit more and just enjoy things. And do I did. And I think it has changed everything.
And I learned to see the drunk men on the street crying-and everyone we met as Children of God. And it kind of shifted me whole world. To really understand the love God has for each person and the potential each person carries.
Chillancito..such a dirty little city but filled with people so full of love. Like the Gonzalez family who always took such good care of us. Making me scarfs and rain jackets when I showed up so unprepared for the chilean storms. Making me favorite manjar cake and always so patient with me and my 10 min sentences. They gave everything they had in a second..never thinking about how little they actually had to give.
And Hector who risked everything to be baptized. And the Chavez family..so good...so full of love and ready to sacrifice everything for anyone. And sweet Maria who could hardly walk but walked to church every sunday and held my hand all throught it. And Raul! The sweetest little old man in the world! He lived all alone in a little shack and hardly ever had money for bread. He couldnt read or write but tried so hard to read from the Book of Mormon and faithfully did everything that was asked of him.
In Chillancito I learned how much I love chilean food and how fast I can gain weight. Bread, empanadas, pie de limon, sopa pillas and endless manjar! We walked along the cobble stoned streets in a cloud of baking bread..with all the colors and all the dogs and all the love.
And Hermana De Leon..so obediant and diligent and always tried so hard to be good. I cried the first couple of nights with her because we couldnt communicate at all...but I grew to love her so much! And her endless singing of bachata and love of aji and salt.
And the youth following us along the streets skipping and singing. I didnt miss my family or anyone anymore because I was in love with Chile and my new family.
My emergency transfer to Linares was a slap in the face. Saying goodbye to so much love was so hard. To go and train hermana Arndt when I felt like I still couldnt speak spanish...I cried the whole 4 hour bus trip to the little town in the mountains. It looked so calm and peaceful but Libnares turned out to be the nightmare after my dream in Chillancito.
I was so stressed trainign hermana Ardnt. I felt like I didnt know anything and that I needed to know everything.Hermana Ardnt was so innocent and full of love and hope. And for awhile no one understood anything we said we walked around completely lost. But we learned to just laugh at all our mistakes...we laughed a lot. And realized that it is the spirit that teaches people and works through us...that changes people.
And so many miracles happened. Finding so many amazing people..not freezing in the rain and snow and being physically protected from so much bad. Like the time the man tried to put us in his truck and we ran away and he ran following us...up and down empty streets so dark. And in the middle of nothing finding the little bakery shop..hiding inside til the elders came to rescue us. So many men following us in the streets all the time. So many close calls but always being okay. And the time when we saw someone get shot then then dragged away by his neck...like a dog. We never wanted to leave the house again....but somehoe we knew that we would be okay. And we were. Even though members got excummunicated for killing each other...and almost the whole branch went inactive over evil spirits in their houses....we were always okay.
But Linares was just full of problems like that. It was always freezing cold and no one ever wanted to feed us. The good thing was that I lost weight. But there was so much work to do with the members...so many problems in all directions. And it was so hard because everything was just so bitter. It didnt help much that I couldnt walk much and pretty much cried all the time while walking from the pain in my leg. But I was okay because I had hermana Arndt.
Then I got Hermana Urteaga. At first I cried everyday and experienced a hard that I have never known. But she taught me the importance of unconditional love and seeing the potential in everyone. It doesnt matter what road someone has walked..they can change and be good! But we have to give them the opportunity tp do it..we have to expect it. I was amazed at the amount of love I had for this hermana in such short time. I knew it was God´s pure love that I felt. God really loves each of His children so perfectly. And when she decided to go home it just about broke my heart.
She left me alone for a month and I was companionless. In the midst of so many problems I had to work alone. Teach alone, find alone, try and deal with the members alone. And all the members and everyone just started quitting...and I kind of wanted to quit too. We were only moving backwards. It took me awhile to remember that this is God´s work-not ours. And it will never fail..even though it may seem impossible at times.There are a ton of amazing people in Linares. But there was so much fighting and blame. We just had to teach them to work together in love. And little by little..we saw miracles.
There were so few members that had to be so strong and stand alone in so much opposition. Like Euphemia..who with an unlimited energy went about doing the work of 50- happily! And Yolanda who was always so strong and tried so hard so alone. Carolina who didnt always know what to do but was so full of love and patience with everyone. And Hermana Sonya-always the example of patience in all her trials and constant problems.
Then Hermana Jennings came and I wasnt so alone anymore. But sometimes I wished I was still alone....She taught me patience and was a wonderful example of diligence. Then Martin came along all ready to marry me. When I did not accept the marriage proposal things got a little ugly. Thanks to his following me in the streets and never ending yelling and anger I said goodbye to all chances of sleep for awhile.
Hermana Lorea was my angel during this time. God sends us difficulites but always along with the help we need to get through them.
In all the rain and snow and ice my leg leg took a turn for the worse and walking got to be nearly impossible. I felt really bad about that. But God loves me even though I´m not perfect. I cant do a lot but I can do the I can...and that is enough.
The time came to leave my little town in the mountains. I was sad. But coming to Haulqui was like waking up from a long nightmare. And Hermana Villanueva was so fun! So full of love for everyone and ready to teach me to dance bachata and make tortillas. And all the members were so wonderful and so willing to help. Then one night a couple of men decided to break in and do some damage. Once again I lost my ability to sleep and it was really awful. But I learned to trust in God more. And more people tried breaking in...poor elders. Running to our house at 3 in the morning every other day. No one got much sleep. We thought about going to a safer place but decided that there really arent places that are safer than others. There are no ïfs¨in God´s world. The center of His will is our only safety.
One night I was really struggling. I hadnt been able to sleep in a long time and was just really exhausted. But every sound on the roof and drunk scream outside had me wide awake and reaching for the iron rod I slept with. And I started praying. Just begging for God to protect us..to protect our house...to take every bad thing out and take away all my fear. And it was like the room was filled with angels. I couldnt see them but I knew they were there. I knew that they were always there..the whole time. And eventually we were all able to sleep in our own beds again and without all the lights on.
I think one of the biggest miracles I saw were with Patricio and Manual. Both huge drug dealers with destroyed lives that changed everything and became two excellent members of the church. There were so many doubts from so many people...but in the end God knows His children and He knows what they can become. We struggle a bit more at seeing the potential in people.
And hermana Piriz came..such a wonderful daughter. So new and innocent and unsure but blossomed into one ofthe happiest people ever! Just bursting with energy and singing down the streets. She helped me be patient too with my never ending leg problems and constant not knowing what to do. Will my leg fall off? Will my hernia explode? How many pain drugs and steriods can I take before I ruin my brain?
It was all very difficult and I didnt really understand what I was supposed to learn from so much pain. But I learned to be humble and to patiently wait for answers.
Our wise Father in heaven knows when we are going to need things. We cant run ahead of Him. When the time comes that we have to learn a difficult lesson..we will look into our hearts and find the strength we need-just in time.
Hermana Monroy...the best companion in the world! With more patience and love and goodness and fun believeable in such a tiny body. She has helped me in everything. Helped me with my meltdowns over going home..helped me be able to sleep at night...helped me to resist eating manjar for breakfast...and everything in between.
There really are so many amazing people here. Like Isnelia..the most giving person and always so incredibly HAPPY! And Maria who endures everything with so much hope! and Solange! Who like Aracely solo will leave for her mission only a year after her baptism. And Violanda..the funniest little grandma with the energy of a 3 year old boy. And hermana Cecilia and her food straight from heaven!
And my Chely..sometimes I think that my whole purpose in coming to Haulqui was to be her friend and help her and have her help me. Her whole story is a miracle in itself. I never guesed I had such best friends in a tiny hidden town at the end of the world.
Oh Hulqui and its rose covered hills. So many colors and dogs so many streets that lead no where and so much love. I want to keep my badge on forever. I want to feel this love that God has for His children always. My heart begs to stay. I dont feel like I am going home..but that I am leaving home. I love Chile so much. I love all the people. I love the food. I love being a missionary.
The mission was not easy..but it was the best. I could never even begin to explain how much I love everything about it and every moment. Sometimes I wondered why everything had to be so hard. But we shouldnt ever want to change the story..we dont know what a different ending could hold. There is a reason we are not writing the story and God is. He knows how it all works out, where is all leads, what it all means. We don´t.
But I have felt His angels protecting me and I do know that this was the best thing I ever could have done. There is so much work to do. Its kind of overwhelming.
Shall we not go on in so great a cause?
